Grief Has No Deadline: My Journey of Moving Forward
I often find myself whispering the question that so many carry silently: “It’s been weeks… months… years. Why am I not over it yet?” The truth I’ve come to embrace is that grief does not follow a calendar, and healing is not a deadline-driven task. Society may urge us to move on quickly, politely, and quietly—but I have learned that healing is not about moving on. It is about learning how to live fully while carrying what was lost.
What Moving On Really Means
For many, “moving on” is imagined as:
No longer crying
No longer talking about the loss
No longer feeling pain
But I know now that moving on is not forgetting. It is reshaping life around the absence. It is carrying the loss without letting it crush me. Grief doesn’t disappear—it changes form, and I change with it.
Different Faces of Loss
1. Loss of a Loved One
The absence of a parent, child, partner, or friend leaves a silence that time cannot erase. Some regain routine in weeks, while others take years to feel stable again. Even decades later, a song or a familiar scent can reopen wounds. That doesn’t mean healing hasn’t happened—it means love still exists.
2. Relationship Breakups or Divorce
This grief is often underestimated, even mocked. Yet it carries the loss of shared futures, identity, and belonging. Why do we honour mourning a death but dismiss mourning a relationship? Both reshape who we are.
3. Loss of Dreams and Identity
Not all grief is about death. Failed careers, infertility, health diagnoses, financial collapse, or loss of respect can feel invisible to others, but they weigh heavily on the heart. These losses are harder because they are unseen.
Why Healing Has No Timeline
Healing differs because:
Relationships vary in depth
Losses differ in suddenness
Support systems are unequal
Personalities and emotional literacy differ
Cultures shape expectations
Two people can experience the same loss and respond entirely differently—and both responses are valid.
The Pressure to Move On
I have felt the weight of society’s phrases:
“Be strong.”
“Life goes on.”
“Others have it worse.”
These words often come from discomfort, not cruelty. People don’t know how to sit with pain, so they rush us out of it. Family and friends may withdraw when grief lasts “too long.” Even within myself, I’ve asked: “Am I weak? What’s wrong with me?” The harshest pressure is the one I place on myself.
Myths About Grief
Myth 1: Time heals everything → Time alone does nothing. Meaning and support heal.
Myth 2: Strong people don’t grieve long → Strength often hides deep grief.
Myth 3: Smiling means healing → Smiles can mask private storms.
Myth 4: Moving on means letting go → Moving forward means remembering without falling apart.
Signs of Healing
Healing does not mean never crying or never missing. It means:
Pain becomes less sharp
Functioning returns, even on hard days
Memories move me, but don’t destroy me
Sometimes grief needs extra help—when pain remains equally intense for months, when daily life feels impossible, or when numbness and self-destruction take over. Seeking help is not failure; it is responsibility.
A More Humane Way
Instead of asking “How long will this take?” I ask myself: “What do I need right now to carry this better?” And instead of telling others to move on, I try to say:
“I’m here.”
“You don’t have to be okay.”
“Take your time.”
Final Reflection
People don’t move on from loss. They move forward with it. Grief does not run on a calendar. Healing is not about erasing love, but about living fully while carrying it. There is no deadline for love, and therefore no deadline for grief.
“Healing is not about moving on. It is about learning how to live fully while carrying what was lost.”
—Kesari Babu
